A Healthy Transformation

A blog about diet, exercise, and health

Healthy Fail June 17, 2011

Filed under: Diet,General health — fitnessie @ 2:06 am

Oh health blog, how I’ve neglected you!  I wish I had a good reason for it, but the truth is, I don’t.

I just haven’t felt very healthy lately.  I’ve been continuing to struggle losing the last bit of weight I want to lose, but I’m not sure exactly why i’ve had so much trouble sticking to a healthy diet.  Over the past three years, I’ve lost about 40lbs, and I am really proud of that.  But I don’t want eating healthy to have been a phase.  I feel better about myself when I eat right, so what’s been the problem?

The truth is, food is something I’ve struggled with my whole life.  People use the term “intuitive eating” a lot now, but I’ve never been an intuitive eater, unless intuitive eating means a large fry, chicken nuggets, and a milkshake.  I’ve come a long way these past three years, but the truth is, whenever I try to “listen to my body” it just tells me it wants ice cream, peanut butter, and french fries.  They’ve done some interesting studies on youth, self moderation, and food intake, and (while I don’t want to use this as a crutch), I think that maybe at a very young age I messed up my internal food-regulator.  Very scientific sounding, I know.  But eating healthy for me is exactly the opposite of intuitive.  I know it will make me feel better to eat something healthy, to stay away from gluten, and to not eat until i’m vomit-full.  But every inch of my body screams for me to do that, and it takes will-power and determination to not.  It’s like a drug.  If I stay healthy for a bit, it gets easier, the cravings lessen, and it becomes (while not intuitive), not a daily trial.  But one slip up resets it.

So that’s why diets that are similar to the paleo diet, that label “good and bad” foods, are so much easier for me.  Eating everything in moderation is a daily trial for me.  Recently, I went to a new gym where they did a personal training meeting, and gave me a little print out of my goals, weight and measurements, and a plan.  The plan included eating a 1600 calorie a day diet.  When I eat “paleo”, this is roughly what I end up doing, though I don’t calorie count.  So i thought i’d give a couple weeks of calorie counting a try and see what happened.  In the end, I think too often I just end up over indulging on something that isn’t healthy and cutting out a meal to make up for it, thinking it’s ok as long as I stay within a calorie count.  I also end up eating when I’m not even hungy to try to reach 1600 calories some days, while other days I’ll eat over and feel bad.

It’s hard to write about failure, especially a failure that is completely within my control.  So I’m going to write down positive, proactive steps and ideas I have.  For those of you who are intuitive eaters or paleo eaters or struggle with food in genearl, I would love to hear your feedback/ideas.

  • I will feel good about myself.  This is huge for me.  I will feel good about the way I look no matter what I weigh, what I ate the day before, or what the scale says.  I will put on something sexy and not take it off because I feel fat.  I will naked sexy-pose in front of my full length mirror all by myself just because I want to see how good I look.
  • I will not shortchange my accomplishments.  This entry is focused on diet failures, and not exercise, but exercise is one thing I’ve had little trouble maintaining.  I still run a couple times a week, climb a couple times a week, go to gym classes a couple times a week.  I’m strong.  I can do more push ups in 10 minutes than my boyfriend!  I am, no matter what the arbitrary numbers say, in good shape.  I have muscles.  I can run for an hour without stopping, I can climb a 10a at the gym, and I can do 3 pull-ups.  I feel good doing these things.  That is pretty huge all by itself.
  • I will eat better.  I will not count calories, I will not eat paleo, I will not binge and purge.  I will try to limit or eliminate gluten from my diet.  I will eat roughly three balanced, healthy meals a day with a couple snacks in between.  I will try to limit my intake of refined sugar and starchy carbs.  I will eat portion sizes of my food.  I will eat plenty of protein and fat and vegetables and fruit.  I will occasionally eat gelato and feel great about it.  I will not substitute my meals for dark chocolate pomegranate seeds.  I will say no thanks when someone offers me something and I will be empowered by doing so.

I know that a lot of my journal has been informative or cute, but another reason I made this journal was for these occasions, where I just need a forum or community to talk to who understands and maybe even shares my struggle with health and body image and food and everything.  So forgive me for not having a recipe or an update on the new gym I went to this month (which was actually quite neat!) or cute pictures of everything I’ve been baking for Isaiah.  I will try to get back on top of things!   So, I’ll leave this post with cute pictures from my trip to Mexico with the boyfriend, where I un-apologetically ate my weight in guacamole, and a promise for more proactive living (and blog posts) in the future.

San Carlos, MX

Snorkel Beach!

Why you should always wear sunscreen.

Crane-won sunglasses + pirate Isaiah= awesome

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5 Responses to “Healthy Fail”

  1. Nicole Says:

    I think that knowing how many calories you eat is a good thing, but calorie counting and diets like weight watchers can be dangerous. People I know who have done them would justify eating a huge piece of cake by just not eating anything else for the rest of the day, or trying to see how far below their weekly points they could get by basically starving themselves. You look amazing and shouldnt be so hard on yourself! I do the same thing- have immediate food guilt after eating something that isn’t healthy. Slipping up once or twice though isn’t going to kill us. I eat vegetarian and keep nothing but healthy foods in my house, so if one night a week I want to go out for ice cream i think it’s acceptable. I think it’s perfectly ok to find that balance between living healthy and also being human/enjoying life.

  2. Katy Says:

    You look absolutely stunning! Really. I know it’s hard to notice sometimes because we all get so caught up in how we feel but I wish I looked like I did two and a half years ago!

    Diets don’t work. Restriction isn’t healthy, period. I have spent the entire year focusing on changing my mindset. I don’t eat gluten because it doesn’t make me feel good. It was a huge battle for me because it felt like I wasn’t able to participate in anything yummy anymore. Over the last year, however, I’ve realized that these tasty things make me sick, and I owe it to myself to feel good, always. It really helps to have that confidence and respect for yourself as I think it makes everything seem much more… logical, I suppose. Or just easier to make the healthier decision.

    I just got back from a week long vacation in orange county land. We literally ate out every meal (unwillingly- it’s all his family does) and I feel absolutely awful. We both do. It just further solidifies how important these changes we’ve made are. And ugh, so happy to be home!

    • fitnessie Says:

      I think that’s it– it’s not that i feel terrible about eating the things, but just that they make me feel gross and badly when i’ve eaten them. People have such a weird relationship with food…
      And thank you! I try to not get too down on myself. I know what you mean, about looking back and realizing how good you looked. And i bet you look god right now too! 🙂

  3. Cute pics!!! I know how you feel… I gained some weight and then stopped blogging because I didn’t want to talk about my struggles either so I totally know how you feel. But now I realize how therapeutic it is for me to write. No matter if it’s good or bad. There’s no such thing as a failure. Just remain positive!!! You look great! And this is something I battle with all the time… the not feeling great and letting my weight affect my mood for the day. How did I solve this problem? I forced my bf to get rid of my scale. Now I can’t weight myself 5 times a day like I used to. In fact I only let myself once or twice a week and I have to go to my gym to even get to a scale! And of course I’m going to be lighter after I worked out and sweated it out for an hour so I am always pleased when I get on the scale. Try that! See if that helps. Enjoy your food. No let there be any guilt attached! You look GREAT! BELIEVE IT!!!

    • fitnessie Says:

      I always weigh myself in the morning before shower and eating and stuff 🙂 And you are crazy with your workouts! I am always in awe when i read your blog, heh. And you eat such tasty looking things! I’m always so jealous.


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